Parenting Teens

True confessions from a mom of teenagers. What no one tells you.

I notice it frequently, and I know you do as well. If you are acquainted with parenting self-help books, podcasts, tips and tricks, or social media influencers, they all share a common trait: they have young children.

When my four kids were young, I have to admit, I was all over that material. I listened to numerous podcasts and read a vast amount of parenting books about raising godly children. I explored homeschooling guides, discipline strategies, love languages, and everything in between. That information was readily available and easy to find.

Then, suddenly (it's amazing how that happens), my children became pre-teens and teenagers, and finding good, quality, biblically-based parenting books became increasingly difficult.

I had four kids in four years, and I'm on the verge of having all four as teenagers simultaneously. My oldest will soon turn 17, and my youngest will be 13 this year. When they were younger, I often heard comments like, "Just wait until they're all teenagers!" or "Wow, you'll have four teenagers in your house at once!" and "Four teenagers! What were you thinking?" None of these remarks were made kindly.

Well, I'm here now, and I want to offer encouragement to any mom who is in this situation or will be soon.

This isn't an easy phase. There, I said it.

But it's a rewarding one. There, I said it again.

Let me explain. Before discussing the teen years, I need to share the background of my journey as a mother and our family's origins. Having four children in four years was incredibly challenging. My husband worked out of town and was away all week. We lived in a 700-square-foot duplex, with both our families living hours away, and all my friends' children were in school. I felt lonely and eagerly awaited naptimes!

Amidst the exhaustion, loneliness, and struggle, I chose to be intentional and present with my kids. We visited the library, had picnics in our small backyard, caught snails at the park, took educational trips to the grocery store, and worshipped Jesus in the living room and kitchen. Every activity was deliberate.

We had devotions, prayer time, and read aloud together. We enjoyed baking days, deep cleaning days, and laundry days, with each person folding their share of towels. I integrated them into my world, and they became part of mine.

This ultimately became our family's foundation.

closeness

forgiveness

laughter

exploring

creativity

worship

Look at Davina's face! She's the baby. She has a look of, what is happening!!!

The time we've invested has been beneficial during the teenage years. Some days are challenging, and there's no avoiding that. Like everyone else, we face issues with phone use, attitudes, and disrespect.

However, we share a close bond. We enjoy each other's company and have fun together. It's a blessing when my teenagers want to chat with me or their dad, even when we're in bed trying to sleep. (Why do they always want deep conversations after 10 PM?)

Here's what I'm discovering for myself in this phase:

• I require much more patience now, even more than when they were younger.

• I need to take things slower. I can't rush through conversations or discipline and then move on. They want to understand WHY. They expect detailed and lengthy explanations. "Because I said so," is no longer effective.

• I must remain rooted in the Word. I will never regret using scripture to support my explanations. They will remember it after they leave home.

• I need to recognize that it's okay to apologize. They want to hear when I was wrong and need to hear it. They need to understand that I'm human, capable of making mistakes or being irrational. They are learning that I am a person, not just "MOM". They can respect me while still forming their own views on life.

There's still a lot I want to write about and more to discuss on this topic.

This post is already quite long, so I'll wrap it up for now.

I'll conclude with this thought:

Relish the stage of parenting you're experiencing. The seasons pass quickly. You can either have barren ground or plant seeds during the early years, and as the seasons shift, those seeds WILL come to life once more.